Bionic Woman vs. Inspector Gadget

20 Mar

*Warning, again, that trans violence appears

I’m getting ma’am more often in boy mode. That’s cool. I’m also receiving negative comments more frequently in boy mode, now. That’s not cool. What’cha gonna do, though? I’m unwilling to be scared into a closet; I’m not about to make the same mistakes I did in high school. Fun fact #37– no one says anything derogatory with my partner around. Maybe that validates I might be straight. More likely, I think people like to pick on people alone. There’s strength in numbers.

Every negative comment I’ve ever received has been from a guy. The person who got mad when we were dancing and sliced off my finger tips? That was also a guy. PS– them tips got reattached and I’m as good as new. See, people think they’re holding me down, but really they’re just turning me into the bionic woman. I can rebuild. I have the self-confidnece. Gosh, that’s so corny, I should really delete that.

But, anyway, that’s a conundrum when you’re into guys. The only people who’ll screw you over, by and large, will be men. Granted, that population of homophobic and transphobic men is probably pretty small. I’ll go, oh I don’t know, one out of four. Guys who, in the right circumstance, would get violent on a trans woman. I can’t even guess what the stats are for violence against trans men; I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if it were worse. Now imagine you’re attracted to guys. Dating suddenly becomes Minesweeper.

Your dates are squares– hurrr– yet most turn out safe enough. Every once in awhile you choose one with the potential to end badly. To be safe, you try to read the red flags to ensure that you’ll never be in that situation. End metaphor. It’s hard to do that, though. Life is long and with enough dates you’re really playing against the odds. Sooner or later, a situation where violence is possible comes to light. Better hope you chose well. We’re averaging >100 dead per year, and that’s just those who go reported. Most violence is from people we know, too.

The whole thing is enough to make some trans women date women, even if their heart inclines them elsewhere. So many things make me grateful I don’t have to date. So so so grateful. My partner thinks she’s hindering me from dating men. I don’t know if she understands how much I love her. And, who knows, maybe she’s saving my life.

Who knows? I didn’t expect the guy who drew the knife to draw the knife. F–k, we were in public. Maybe another moral to the story is it’s unwise to be underage, dumb, and willing to bump and grind with guys unaware of your status. Things I wish I could redo in my life? Plenty from about age 12 on. Best believe I’m pounding these keys down. I wish I could just forget so many of the stupid things I’ve done.

Go go bionic woman retrograde amnesia. Or maybe that was Inspector Gadget.

Leave a comment

Posted by on March 20, 2011 in Uncategorized


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s